On Accepting Emotional Roller Coaster

I am very emotional and it always caused me so many mental issues, it made me exhausted so many times ; just living with myself is a constant challenge.

It's hard for me to be emotionally balanced. I try to learn with the time, by getting new emotional habits, cutting some schemes generated after receiving one stimuli. 

But the thing is, more or less since I was born, I was really dedicated to fit in and to be considered as normal. I didn't want to accept that I was sensitive, or too emotional, as regard the norm tolerated within the society.

So, for years, I would just hide my emotions, and pretend to be really happy, put a fake smile on my face, and act like nothing was wrong. 

Little by little, I would feel like dying inside. Everytime I would hide my emotions, I would build a wall between me and the rest of the world. With the time, the distance would just grow more and more until I realized that it had became such a burden to be with people, while trying to hide all my surplus of emotions. 

I thought that I couldn't fit in in that world, where emotions are very often considered as signs of weakness. You're not strong if you cry, you will be called mean if you are angry, people will try to fix you if you feel sad, as if you were sick and that something was wrong. 

I could go on and on about how it was hard and still is to have so many emotions.

But today, I just want to set new intentions: believing that emotions are not wrong, wether they are angerness or sadness, Emotions are simply signals, reactions to an external stimuli, to a particular situation. 

I do believe that humans are meant to be happy. But, it doesn't mean it's wrong not to be happy. I'd rather think today that being sad in some particular situations is very healthy, I would even say that it makes sense and it can be considered as totally logical. 

I consider my emotions are signals, I don't want them to be me, I see them as messages coming from either my heart, my mental, or my body.

I don't want to try to fake them, to put a fake happy smile on my face. If I receive a message from myself, telling me that a situation doesn't satisfy me, I'd rather try to fix the situation, instead of trying to fixing my emotions in the unsane way that I used to do. 

I found some solutions to what I call "emotional roller coasters", either I write in a notebook, or I tell a friend about it, or I really cry to pull out of myself the emotion - if the emotion is too strong to handle in a rational way-. And then, I decide to take actions to fix the situation. 

To think that way allows me to move on and to accomplish things, even if I feel sad. It doesn't always work, but most of the time, at least I can overcome an emotion with no huge damage. If I can't do anything about the situation, I just ignore the emotion, like I would ignore a mail that can still bother me anytime I think about it.